You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
