I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
