i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
