you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
