my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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