i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
