you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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