Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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