Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
foreskin is a definite game changer
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
