Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
