my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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