The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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