I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
