and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
