The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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