I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
