She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
