Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
