Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
