you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
