It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
