what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize