Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
