so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
