no, he came in my armpit
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
