FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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