I wanna passion pit in your ass
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
