Welp...herpes.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
