My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
