I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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