that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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