wake up i wanna do it froggy style
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
