i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
