i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
