Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Randomize
