I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
