I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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