I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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