Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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