I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
