I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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