Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
