I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
