When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i would punch a child for taco bell
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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