I think my vagina is haunted
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
this hospital has no fireball
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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