This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
