we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
