Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
