my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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