I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Congratulations! We have a period
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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