I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
