She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
