perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
