We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You don't make any sense
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